So, it's been a while.

I inadvertently took a bit of a hiatus over the past month. It was certainly unexpected, but as the persistent fatigue onset out of nowhere, I knew I needed to take some time off, and luckily, I'm generally able to scale things back on a dime.

So what's been going on while I've been off in the metaphorical wilderness? What's been on my mind? What have I felt? What have I discovered?

Maybe, let's start with what happened.

So the month started, and the last post I wrote was about work and the negative returns curve. And the general thesis of that piece was not letting work take over life so much that nothing is left over.

Ironic that as I wrote that, I was almost immediately hit with a deep sense of fatigue. I think for about a week, I wasn't physically really able to work. I'd work one day, and be completely wiped out the next. So, I pulled back from most projects to focus on finishing open projects and keeping the workload on to a fair minimum.

I don't like being fatigued and unable to work, but it was nice to be able to switch off and not be too stressed about work or productivity. I did just what I was able to do, and didn't overthink things, or put too much pressure on myself. I just did stuff and chilled.

Funny enough I was still productive. Things got done. I worked on the websites, I designed logos. I designed documents. But I also spent a lot of time watching movies, or chilling, or seeing friends.

That felt great.

I would like to work more like that.

How did I feel?

Well, at first, there was fatigue. Just pure tiredness. Then the feeling of burnout. Then a slight bout of depression. Waking up everyday and just not feeling up to the task of being on the ball. Not feeling like working or creating or doing anything. I didn't want to try. I just wanted to 'be' for a while. So I just existed. Without needing to prove my existence by making content, or being productive, or being seen. I just existed.

Which was good. I think I needed that. I think we all need that.

In all this time, I thought about different things, and over the next few weeks, I will be exploring them a bit deeper.

The dark side of success

I had been burning exceptionally hot for the past few months. I had been working my ass off, making content, upgrading my environment, unlocking new levels of productivity. Which I did, and got things to a nice place, got things I've been wanting for a while. Things were objectively great, better than they have ever been.

But as I got it, and as I set up things up and updated my space, I suddenly felt...empty.

It's not the first time I've had this feeling. I experienced it at the end of 2018, after a massively productive and personally transformative year, I just felt empty at the end of it. I even wanted to write a piece about how when you get what you want, it won't make you happy. I probably still will.

All this to highlight the fact that achievement and success will not always mean happiness. many successful people at the peak of their careers end it all by suicide.

So why does this happen? What does this mean? How can we find joy in our achievements or how do we optimise for happiness or at least contentment?

Even though the feeling does dissipate eventually, sometimes success comes with a deep profound sense of emptiness. Sometimes great highs must be accompanied by a low.

Hacking your success thermostat

There is a concept I first discovered about 10 years ago in a book whose title I cannot for the life of me remember right now.

This is idea of your success thermostat and how everyone has a hot trigger point and a cold trigger point. When you succeed and are doing well, you invariable get to a place where you automatically dial things back, where you work less, push less, spend more, maybe even self sabotage to get yourself back to a level of success or productivity that you are comfortable with.

And then when things get low enough or you get broke enough, then you kick back into high gear, and do all you need to do to get things done and get back up to a level of success you are comfortable with.

The common factor here is that there is a level that is your comfort zone.

How do you expand that upwards? How do you get more comfortable with greater levels of success so you can naturally achieve more?

Re-evaluating our relationship to work

This is an interesting one. My perception and attitude towards work has been evolving lately.

I am familiar with hustle culture, with the Gary Vee's, Tai Lopez's, Grant Cardone's. All the gurus and evangelists who repeatedly pontificate on the importance of a solid work ethic. To always be pushing, to always be working, to hustle and get rich or get successful. This is an attitude sold to us so much it might as well be the air we breathe.

However, is this the right approach? To be completely devoted to work, to conflate our identity and worth with our productivity?

Work is good. Work is important. Work is what helps us reach our potential. It makes demands of us and puts good stress on our bodies and our minds. With good work, we can be productive, we can be truly human, we can express and explore our talents, abilities and interests.

But bad work, work as an end to itself, as being trapped in a system, of being of service to an exploitative socio-economic system, can start to be very problematic.

Most of us have to work so we can consume more. We want to make more money so we can buy more things, fancier things, have more experiences etc. We are continually sold things to want. And once we feed the beast, we keep wanting more and more. But are we just made to consume? To work to buy and throw away and buy again?

Why does so much of our work tend to move us away from anything that is soul enriching. A man ought to be able to put in a day's work and have enough time and energy to pursue a hobby or write poetry or do whatever the heck he wants to do for the sake of it.

We have to find a better balance with work.

What brought you here, won't take you there

The other day i was chilling with a friend and catching up, and he was mentioning how principles are helping him. Like being focused, having a positive attitude, working hard, all that stuff was helping him be better. And best of all, he was seeing results.

And I thought that was all great. But I also felt jaded by it all.

But I understood we were at different parts of the journey. He's at the start of his, things are still pretty and flashy.

That part is important, it's why getting into self help can be very useful. You do need a solid foundation of discipline and work ethic to get results. But when you start getting results, continuing those things can start to backfire, and then your strategy needs to change.

You need to approach things differently to get into a new level of consciousness, of being, of doing.

So yeah that's been me and my thoughts for the past few weeks. Looking forward to unpacking all of that more. Hope you have been well. Chat soon 🙂.