At the end of 2009 and through out 2010, I had this urgency, this deep emotional drive to delve into my passion – graphic design. It felt like I was being led from within, in the depths of my soul, there was a voice speaking loud and clear, and I followed it irrespective of the repercussions and the many voices who sought to caution me to reason. I had a great sense of purpose and I was in hot pursuit of my dream. I have tasted my dream, it feels good, but I have also tasted its dark side. One has to take the thorns with the roses. I have learnt that passion is very important, but it is not a silver bullet. There are many other things to consider in building a remarkable life. I feel like I have matured a bit in my approach to creating my life. I do wonder though, is this how the kid inside us dies. Is this how the wonder fades, is this how we harden and become ‘grownups’?
I feel like I have nothing to live for. Not in the ‘oh my word, life is so meaningless, I’d rather just die’ sense. I’ve been there before, I got over it. I mean, I don’t feel there is anything right now that really gets me super excited. Some things mildly pique my interest. I’m wondering if I took the idea of contemptuous expressions too far. I don’t see the glamour, the cool, the hype. I see the work, the blood, the sweat, the tears. I don’t see the joy, I see the pain. I see that creating really cool and remarkable things requires a lot of mundane steps and a sit-your-ass-down-and-work kind of attitude. I’m blind to the hype, dead to the bullshit. So whatever hype and excitement I used to have before is now more than tempered with a knowledge of the harsh realities of actually getting stuff done, fighting with resistance, sticking to schedules, staving off depression and the fact that everything fades away eventually. I’m not unhappy or sad, I’m just not ecstatic or filled with joy either. I just want do the work, and create cool and authentic shit while I am still here.