I haven’t had a lot to write about recently. My last post clearly illustrates the fact. Usually, I read a book, a blog post, something that sparks inspiration within me and I can write about that. That hasn’t been the case recently. I’ve still been reading. I just haven’t been talking as much. Its like I don’t have anything to say. I still think a lot, I just don’t have the need to express the thoughts. Perhaps it’s because of my new action-bias.

Action bias is exactly that, a propensity to act rather than talk. I have friends who talk a lot about things they want to do or ways to do what they want to do. I’m polite so I listen, then tune out half way. One of them talks because that’s the way he clarifies his thoughts. I think he talks to think, so it doesn’t really matter if I listen. Another one talks because he really likes talking. I don’t know where it stems from, a childhood insecurity perhaps. He talks a big game; sadly the reality hardly ever matches up. They both have a lot of talent and potential though, so I still believe in them. If only they can take consistent focused action.

I read this in a design inspiration video, “Do things others will write about, rather than talking about things you want others to believe”. I agree 100 percent.

I’m quite guilty as well. I have an action bias, but I always find myself putting off some important actions that I feel will be uncomfortable or painful. I can be quite the coward. I’m learning to deal with fear. I fear people’s reactions and I fear what people think. I fear failure. I fear losing my relative freedom and present lifestyle. I have a lot of ideas I’m scared of executing because well…’what if no one likes it’. Sometimes I’m afraid, and I don’t even know what I’m afraid of. I’m just scared.

I have this book ‘The 50th Law’ by 50 Cent & Robert Greene. At the back of the book is this quote, ‘nihil timendum est’ which I suppose is latin for ‘fear nothing’.  The book is ten chapters on fear and how to deal with it. I should probably read it cover to cover ten times in a row to absorb it properly.

The thing about fear and most emotions in general is that they are created. What stops us, what is really dangerous is not the thing we fear, but fear itself. I was very high a month and a half ago, high to the point of paranoia. My entire body was tingling, and I felt like my body was sucking up water from the outside in. I felt like I was going to die. I was pacing up and down trying to calm myself down because my mind felt like it was filled with a thousand voices and thoughts running loose. For the 3hours I had this experience, every few minutes I would gain a moment of lucidity. A moment when I would realize that ‘wait Oto, you are doing this to yourself. You are freaking out, you are creating all these thoughts that are running loose in your head. Relax.’ And just like that, it would be quiet for about 10 seconds, then like a flood, the emotions and paranoia would come rushing back.

From that experience I gained an important epiphany and I think everyone can relate to it. I always know what I want to do. Even when the next step isn’t very clear and things are up in the air, the answer is always deep inside if I can just stay still long enough to listen to it and do it. The flip side is that I am always creating thoughts and emotions that cloud my mind and block my creative power. And by creative power I mean power to create the life I choose. These thoughts create my own microcosmic reality and influence my actions in ways that are not always beneficial. So my job is to figure out how to consistently transcend this illusion of fear and act consistently to realize this power within.

I had a cool experience last night as I lay in bed. I slipped into this clear tranquil state where there was no thought or emotion, just clarity. Something akin to what Eckhart Tolle describes in his book ‘The Power of Now’. I realized that I have tremendous power. I am the only thing limiting myself.

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