But, I really feel I should write, so I will anyway. I’m typing this straight from my head, no editing, except to fix typos. But what should I say? How do I feel? I feel a lot of things. Right now, tired is what I feel mostly. That and slight annoyance. I’m pissed at someone. I shouldn’t be carrying it around though. He annoyed me in the morning, I should let it go. There. Gone.
I haven’t felt like talking much. I feel like there is nothing to say. That’s why I haven’t written either. I feel like there is nothing to say. I haven’t read much as well. I feel like I spend too much time reading blogs, articles and pieces of books. I feel like thinking. Deep thinking. Meditation. I should do more of that actually.
I censor myself a lot. I noticed that. It doesn’t feel like a good thing. I find it hard to be honest and blunt. I want to be completely honest. But it feels like the hardest thing ever. I don’t know what you would think of me, if I told you exactly what was in my mind. Not like I really care per se. But somehow it bothers me, so I guess I do care. I really don’t want anyone’s approval. It’s nice to have it though.
There are a lot of things I used to do, that I don’t do anymore. I don’t pray anymore. I don’t feel the need to. It’s hard to explain. It’s like living in a state of communion. I just do my best to keep my mind and emotions in a certain state, and stay in flow. If I need something, I ask for it. I don’t set goals anymore. I have no need for them. I just focus on being happy every day, and doing whatever I want to do, as much as possible. Not saying that I don’t tackle meaningful or big projects. I’m saying that I have no need to prove myself to anyone, and I have no need for prestige or titles or whatever illusory thing people chase after these days. I don’t talk so much. I prefer to do stuff. I know people who talk too much, I listen politely, but I hate it.
I’m beginning to hate clients. They are getting more and more annoying. So, I’ll rant about them next. I hate clients that give unreasonable deadlines. If you want good work, it takes time. I hate clients that ask for a million changes. I hate it more when I have to redesign what I have already designed. I hate clients who imagine what I do is easy. The fact that I make this look so easy and I perform miracles, does not mean that it is. And all of this adds to my general stress and cuts down the time I have to actually do some really cool work. I really want to do good work, sometimes they are make it really hard for me.
I hate…okay not really hate…maybe more like despise social networks. They are cool, and they are useful. But people spew so much banality and inanity on them…day by day. I hate twitter, and facebook. Sometimes, it is marginally useful. Someone posts something of value, a link, a blog, an image, etc and it makes it worthwhile. Otherwise its mostly bullshit.
I hate idiots.
I don’t like church. It really feels like a waste of time. And before someone says some shit like ‘Come to my church, it’s really awesome.’ I want to clarify that I do not need some feel good, multimedia explosive, motivational speech spewing, dogma preaching, we are so awesome and spiritual service. I have no need for fun or experience in this regard. I just have issues with the entire framework of religion and it’s implications. Label me a heretic. Don’t misunderstand me though, I still believe that God exists, and I believe in the Christ, but not in Christianity and religion as it exists today.
I hate beggars. Especially those boys that run around Hatfield asking for money. Like really….all day every day?…really…how about finding a proper hustle, no matter how meagre and working from there.
I don’t like the fact that every time some people visit me, I have to give them money. I really don’t mind giving. It’s just…really? every time?
I hate dream sellers. People who talk about stuff they want to do, and never do it, never show quantifiable progress. I especially hate it when they try to rope me into their agendas.
Okay. I’ll stop there…I’m just angry today. Forgive my ranting.
I believe in God and Christ but Im also starting to question certain things about religion I think at times we look at church and ppl running churches and their imperfections lets not forget their human and at same time their not God whats important is our relationship with God.My pastor always says don’t put God in a box as christians we usually do we think he is subject to certain laws He is not a respecter of man I think when we get to heaven we will be suprised who(ppl) we find there