But, I really feel I should write, so I will anyway. I’m typing this straight from my head, no editing, except to fix typos. But what should I say? How do I feel? I feel a lot of things. Right now, tired is what I feel mostly. That and slight annoyance. I’m pissed at someone. I shouldn’t be carrying it around though. He annoyed me in the morning, I should let it go. There. Gone.
I haven’t felt like talking much. I feel like there is nothing to say. That’s why I haven’t written either. I feel like there is nothing to say. I haven’t read much as well. I feel like I spend too much time reading blogs, articles and pieces of books. I feel like thinking. Deep thinking. Meditation. I should do more of that actually.
I censor myself a lot. I noticed that. It doesn’t feel like a good thing. I find it hard to be honest and blunt. I want to be completely honest. But it feels like the hardest thing ever. I don’t know what you would think of me, if I told you exactly what was in my mind. Not like I really care per se. But somehow it bothers me, so I guess I do care. I really don’t want anyone’s approval. It’s nice to have it though.
There are a lot of things I used to do, that I don’t do anymore. I don’t pray anymore. I don’t feel the need to. It’s hard to explain. It’s like living in a state of communion. I just do my best to keep my mind and emotions in a certain state, and stay in flow. If I need something, I ask for it. I don’t set goals anymore. I have no need for them. I just focus on being happy every day, and doing whatever I want to do, as much as possible. Not saying that I don’t tackle meaningful or big projects. I’m saying that I have no need to prove myself to anyone, and I have no need for prestige or titles or whatever illusory thing people chase after these days. I don’t talk so much. I prefer to do stuff. I know people who talk too much, I listen politely, but I hate it.
I’m beginning to hate clients. They are getting more and more annoying. So, I’ll rant about them next. I hate clients that give unreasonable deadlines. If you want good work, it takes time. I hate clients that ask for a million changes. I hate it more when I have to redesign what I have already designed. I hate clients who imagine what I do is easy. The fact that I make this look so easy and I perform miracles, does not mean that it is. And all of this adds to my general stress and cuts down the time I have to actually do some really cool work. I really want to do good work, sometimes they are make it really hard for me.
I hate…okay not really hate…maybe more like despise social networks. They are cool, and they are useful. But people spew so much banality and inanity on them…day by day. I hate twitter, and facebook. Sometimes, it is marginally useful. Someone posts something of value, a link, a blog, an image, etc and it makes it worthwhile. Otherwise its mostly bullshit.
I hate idiots.
I don’t like church. It really feels like a waste of time. And before someone says some shit like ‘Come to my church, it’s really awesome.’ I want to clarify that I do not need some feel good, multimedia explosive, motivational speech spewing, dogma preaching, we are so awesome and spiritual service. I have no need for fun or experience in this regard. I just have issues with the entire framework of religion and it’s implications. Label me a heretic. Don’t misunderstand me though, I still believe that God exists, and I believe in the Christ, but not in Christianity and religion as it exists today.
I hate beggars. Especially those boys that run around Hatfield asking for money. Like really….all day every day?…really…how about finding a proper hustle, no matter how meagre and working from there.
I don’t like the fact that every time some people visit me, I have to give them money. I really don’t mind giving. It’s just…really? every time?
I hate dream sellers. People who talk about stuff they want to do, and never do it, never show quantifiable progress. I especially hate it when they try to rope me into their agendas.
Okay. I’ll stop there…I’m just angry today. Forgive my ranting.